| allen's a douche yet again! |
[Jan. 6th, 2007|02:43 am] |
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I find that my friendship with allen is half empty rather than half full most of the time. tonight is a good case in point. It's totally understandable if you make plans pior to hanging out. but if you're gonna be late you could at least have the courtesy to call. nit only does he call 2 hours later but then says he'll be right over...another 2 and half hours go by and say he can't make it cuz he's still elsewhere hanging out...not once folks..but twice! allen will get on his knees to every little tantrum tyler throws just about little shit about playing video games to where we eat...and stick tyler's dick in his mouth and lick him till says "well everything's better now"..but this was my friday night..other people invited me elsewhere to go for the night..but no..I was the nice guy and waited on him...after saying he'd still be here. I spend alott of time & money to make our friendship work over the past 4 fucking years and it's little shit like this that fucking make me loose a goddamn gasket. he sees driving out to Bardstown as such an "inconveniance"...well motherfucker..how about I end your connection..utterly sever the contact between all our friends..you'll see the difference about how I never talk to you again. it's been along time in the making. but I'm tired of allen..I need a goddamn break. |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 27th, 2006|02:39 am] |
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it makes me feel so bad...I try to invest to the best of my ability to show that I am a worthy friend....and I guess from clayton that's not worth enough...I worked out a month of trying to get everyone to come down and seem him, and and fucking birthday all I wanted was a few games..and that's not why I'm spilling my guts...at least you do things and follow thru..I know you are a good friend...I thought clayton would make up for it tonight, all Iwanted was 2 games..not even a half hour of his time, and he won't even give me that, it makes me feel like he will get up on a dime to play WoW with ben, but jst cus he doesn't feel the need or desire, as a birthday pleed, he won't gratify me with that? wanna know how that makes me feel asa friend? not good for one. it may be just a game, but it symbolizes that I'm at least worthy of the time spent. and then suggest that "it's not like we're dating" how arrogant does one have to be that they can't see thru the obvious. it really pains me to let it hit me so hard, and literally just let all emotions dwindle into a nervous break down...I'm sorry |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 13th, 2006|12:44 pm] |
the karma strike: would you like to see a picture of a decapitated fetus?
wow, my friends sure know how to start a convorsation |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 8th, 2006|12:12 pm] |
ok, haven't posted in a while, but I had to write this crazy dream down before I forgot....
Me, allen and Tyler had just gotten out of a late nigh movie and were driving my mom's car. I remember getting in the car and driving it and it was all rainy and the road was all glare, then I remember trying to break but instead, grabbing the seat head rest in front of me and was like WTF?! how'd I get in the back seat tyler? no one was driving. then allen looked at me and said something like, it's ok, it'll work out, then I remember waking up breathing hard.........weird fucking shit
on a side note: if no one knows, I have Tourettes Syndrome. had it for a bout a decade now. there's no cure. no "real" medicine, just experimental stuff (aka expensive). shitty I know. so now I'm on disability to help pay for my medication.
to say the truth, my tourettes has slowly worstened since high school. then: I had mild verbal slurs and head twitches. now: I almost say cus words under my breath, I have an almost OCD like state of scratching, picking, and touching the arm, face, etc., my eyes hurt and have the tendency to roll as if having a mild seizure, but I'm not. I can control all of these 90% of the time. it's just like a really bad pressure or tension. and with meds, it's almost non-existent. but my last med I was on cost 550 bucks a box. so I turned to disability mainly to get medicaid. but...I also get free checks...which is cool in all, but I never talk about my condition, and I lead my friends to think it isn't that bad, and they think me getting disablity is bullshit, but to be quite honest. It really fucks with me, even keeping a job in the past has been a nightmare. |
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| wee hours of X-mas day |
[Dec. 25th, 2005|02:05 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  calm | ] |
tonight was a good night.....
most of my friends were home for X-mas, and we all hung out over @ jamies. too bad allen couldn't make it. but none the less, I had a very good time. Later on I have top get up and go to bothe sides of the family's gatherings. Clayton said later that night he can hang out before departing back to Richmond, but :sigh: more or less likely I'll spend the night in Lexington cus it will had been a long day.
I'm not really in the X-mas spirit this year, but getting to see my friends tonight about makes up fot it.
To everyone else. Merry X-mas & Happy New Year. |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 16th, 2005|02:01 pm] |
Joe Normal
39 % Nerd, 26% Geek, 30% Dork | For The Record:
A Nerd is someone who is passionate about learning/being smart/academia.
A Geek is someone who is passionate about some particular area or subject, often an obscure or difficult one.
A Dork is someone who has difficulty with common social expectations/interactions.
You scored less than half in all three, earning you the title of: Joe Normal.
This is not to say that you don't have some Nerd, Geek or Dork inside
of you--we all do, and you can see the percentages you have right
above. This is just to say that none of those qualities stand out so
much as to define you. Sure, you enjoy an episode of Star Trek
now and again, and yeah, you kinda enjoyed a few classes back in the
day. And, once in a while, you stumble while walking down the street
even though there was nothing there to cause you to trip. But, for the
most part, you look and act fairly typically, and aren't much of an
outcast.
I'd say there's a fair chance someone asked you to take this test. In any event, fairly normal.
Congratulations!
If you enjoyed this test, I would love the feedback!
Also, you might want to check out some of my other tests if you're interested in any of the following:
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Professional Wrestling
Love & Sexuality
America/Politics
Thanks Again! -- THE NERD? GEEK? OR DORK? TEST |  |
My test tracked 3 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: | You scored higher than 22% on nerdiness | | You scored higher than 29% on geekosity | | You scored higher than 45% on dork points |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 8th, 2005|09:51 am] |
What Will postempo Get ?
| Xmas pressie predictor | | Big wooly jumper knitted by | thekarmastrike | | Pair of Socks from | matts4hire | | Bottle of Whiskey from | angelic_diva | | Cd from | fetish_kittie | | Something Cuddly from | _anydaynow_ | | Something Intoxicating from | endless_nova | | Something Silly from | deadhamster | | Something Funny from | court4jc | | Lump of coal from | fallonjolie | | Something Pretty from | salerno | | Something Shiny from | _ill | | Something Naughty from | _straykat | | Something Smelly from | kygirlnmo65401 | | Something Breakable from | aic_junkie | | Something Useful from | blossoming_in | | Something not useful from | cheatachu7070 | | The Black and Decker Tool Kit from | 83ghost | | Livejournal account from | imnotyourstory | | The Make-up Bag from | _arcanebliss | | Stack of DVDs from | toolaree | | Something Geeky from | augustxsky |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 30th, 2005|04:15 pm] |
 | You scored as Suicide. Your death will be suicide. What more can I say? Fact: Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. If you want to know hwo you will commit suicide, take a look at your second highest percentage on the bar graphs.
Suicide | | 93% | Posion | | 73% | Eaten | | 67% | Natural Causes | | 60% | Stabbed | | 53% | Gunshot | | 53% | Drowning | | 40% | Disease | | 40% | Bomb | | 33% | Suffocated | | 33% | Disappear | | 27% | Accident | | 20% | Cut Throat | | 7% | </td>
How Will You Die??
created with QuizFarm.com |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 6th, 2005|06:15 am] |
I hate my fucking life. truely. I always keep my shit bottled up until I have a breakdown. I seriously need ti get some help. I have too much mental pain right now. I hate to to spill it out this way, and I don't want to make me sound over dramtic, but I wanted to die about 30 min. ago. my eyes still are hot from crying. am I so bad of of a person. apparently so. I was this close tonight. all I had to do was go into the kitchen and get my old zoloft pills I never take anymore and get it over with. and yet here I am. I'm scared. I'm not a suicidal person. I never talk about it. I don't want to do it. but I feel if I don't do it, this pain will never go away.
As I sit here crying, I think about how I'll never get to do what my heart longs for, but I'll never get to do that anyways. one less stupid fat kid. good ole tom. why did he do it they'll say. I wish I could have done something. said something. all I want it is one thing. and no matter all you do, all you say, how much you believe, or how much you pray.....
you will forget |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 28th, 2005|03:53 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | good | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Maroon 5 - woman | ] |
tonight was really nice. Allen, Tyler, Laree and I watched the movies Blue Velvet and Muholland drive @ the UofL theatre. It was nice, it sat like 200 people and there was 7 peoplr total in the theater, almost like a private showing. We all strolled through the campus talking about whatnot and consisted of popcorn throwing and laughing. To wrap the night up we all drove to the Waffle House off of preston hwy. and hung out there for an hour or so. man, they really need better music in thier juke boxes. I really had to search for anything "not" country. I think there was maybe the eagles, ccr, and velvet revolver. I really like my friends. Tonight was a good night out of my some what dull life.
I really miss hanging out with my friends in that moved to Richmond.... |
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| Hate |
[Sep. 7th, 2005|11:23 pm] |
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I'm turning into someone that I never thought I would. I have so much hate. I dwell on things of the past so much I often sit in my recliner clentching my teeth, letting the tears soak my collar tee. who gives a fuck if I'm letting it out, no one's on AIM, I can't let it out to anyone, so here it is. I'm spiteful. I buckle up my sadness and put it on a shelf somewhere in my mind, until 3 months later I'll remember it and fucking loose it. I think about some pretty bad shit sometimes. It scares me have the time that I actully have planned to do things that one would consider immorale. I never opened the door to anyone. I when I did, they looted my feelings as if there was no law against it. And where does all my anger come from. love. and lack there of. all my friends tell me relationships aren't what they a cracked up to- Well fuck! I let people use me. I am a black shell of fucking hate. People made me this way. Does everyone think I'm the monster?well fine then , I'll become the monster that everyone looks at. I'll be the guy that looks over you with your glazed eyed pleading for help as I watch you die. that is what people have made me. I am numb to anything and everything. |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 5th, 2005|01:49 am] |
This really got to me...
I am the girl kicked out of her home because I confided in my mother that I am a lesbian.
I am the prostitute working the streets because nobody will hire a transsexual woman.
I am the sister who holds her gay brother tight through the painful, tear-filled nights.
We are the parents who buried our daughter long before her time.
I am the man who died alone in the hospital because they would not let my partner of twenty-seven years into the room.
I am the foster child who wakes up with nightmares of being taken away from the two fathers who are the only loving family I have ever had. I wish they could adopt me.
I am one of the lucky ones, I guess. I survived the attack that left me in a coma for three weeks, and in another year I will probably be able to walk again.
I am not one of the lucky ones. I killed myself just weeks before graduating high school. It was simply too much to bear.
We are the couple who had the realtor hang up on us when she found out we wanted to rent a one-bedroom for two men.
I am the person who never knows which bathroom I should use if I want to avoid getting the management called on me.
I am the mother who is not allowed to even visit the children I bore, nursed, and raised. The court says I am an unfit mother because I now live with another woman.
I am the domestic-violence survivor who found the support system grow suddenly cold and distant when they found out my abusive partner is also a woman.
I am the domestic-violence survivor who has no support system to turn to because I am male.
I am the father who has never hugged his son because I grew up afraid to show affection to other men.
I am the home-economics teacher who always wanted to teach gym until someone told me that only lesbians do that.
I am the man who died when the paramedics stopped treating me as soon as they realized I was transsexual.
I am the person who feels guilty because I think I could be a much better person if I didn’t have to always deal with society hating me.
I am the man who stopped attending church, not because I don't believe, but because they closed their doors to my kind.
I am the person who has to hide what this world needs most, love.
repost this if you believe homophobia is wrong.... |
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| Warcraft, D&D, and new friends |
[Jul. 3rd, 2005|04:02 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | satisfied | ] |
| [ | music |
| | The Postal Service - against all odds | ] |
wow! tonight was super awsome. I hung out with one of my newer friends brad, and played D&D Warcraft basically. we played for 5 hrs. and never even fought anyone, it was really in depth. I'm a Dwarf named Brison. I have a night elf and a troll in my group. man...so much to say, you could only be there. It was really fun. these guys have been playing since like kids and well, I've like started within the past year. I think I really made a good impression. I'll tell a small part of the story to yet cha know......
everyone walked into this town called the crossroads, it's part of the horde where orcs, trolls, and torans are. Apparently the torans (look like steer)are really nice. But me being a dwarf in the horde I attract bad attention, and I'm level 2 starting out. All the other players get into the city just fine, I stroll up and arrows and rocks rain down on me from the watch tower. I was like, WTF?! said I couldn't come in. I thought my dwarf was pretty strong, so I challenged this orc, which was like 7.5 ft. and broad, if I won @ arm wrestling then they would let me in. Well when he was up there in the tower, I had no clue how big he was, and was like fuck. He got on the ground and put his arm up and was like let's go! So, I honestly like, out of the blue lock up with him and command sleep. Right off the fucking bat! slammed his arm and declared myself the winner. the others in the watch tower let me in.
man, I love playing this game! WOOOOT! |
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| Been a while.... |
[Jun. 1st, 2005|08:29 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | awake | ] |
| [ | music |
| | The Clash - complete control | ] |
Hmmmmm. I'm exactly sure what to say. I have abandoned my livejournal postings for sometime now. Yet I still lurk around and read everyone's LJ's. Nothing much has happened. I'm out of school for the summer, which leads me to I should get a summer job, pretty damn soon I predict. But, me being the infamous gaming nerd, that last week has consisted of going to Halo 2 get-togethers, LAN Parties, and Dungeon & Dragon sessions. Tho' I'm glad I got to go somewhere that had a 4meg. cable source. I downloaded so much shit.
THE SIFL & OLLY SHOW!!!!! all 3 seasons on my PC bitches |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 5th, 2005|04:46 am] |
Advanced
You scored 92% Beginner, 92% Intermediate, 100% Advanced, and 66% Expert! |
You have an extremely good understanding of beginner, intermediate, and advanced level commonly confused English words, getting at least 75% of each of these three levels' questions correct. This is an exceptional score. Remember, these are commonly confused English words, which means most people don't use them properly. You got an extremely respectable score.
Thank you so much for taking my test. I hope you enjoyed it!
For the complete Answer Key, visit my blog: http://shortredhead78.blogspot.com/. |
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My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:
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You scored higher than 38% on Beginner |
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You scored higher than 33% on Intermediate |
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You scored higher than 88% on Advanced |
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You scored higher than 32% on Expert |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 3rd, 2005|05:09 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  worried | ] |
I feel like I'm gonna throw up. things were going so well too. I was on my way back from LAN WAR and it was about 3:30 this morning about a mile before handy food mart on hwy. 245 that also almost hit a guy. A dude. a fucking person! what he was doing in the middle of the road, out in the country in the dark walking smack in my lane is what get me. I still remember it fucking vivid as ever. the dude had on a dark brown coat like mine, kacki pants, grey hair, older guy. I mean I was freaked the hell out. I was shaking in the gas station parking lot as I called the cops. I could have killed a man tonite. that made me dry heeve. All I can see is his back in my headlights. I still can see him in my head. god I hope I don't have a nightmare. I hope he's ok. was he fucking drunk? was he trying to commit suicide or something? god, I really just don't wanna deal with something like this. it was like when me, ben, and clayton almost hit a dog on 245. it was that close. but it was a fucking person! I need to just calm down. relax. fuck. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 14th, 2005|02:07 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | crappy | ] |
hey, it's been a while since my last post. Things have kinda been down hill lately, it's been over a week since I've heard from any of my friends, no one hangs out any more. To be quite frank, I think it's because clayton stopped drinking. I'm glad he stopped but in a way that's what tied all of us together to hang out. I've tried most drtugs and been drunk, but never have I had the want to do it by myself. I feel as if my life is at a dead end right now, like I took a turn into a long alley that I had know idea where it led. I abandoned an old path, the one where I went to church and help out with the missions. I've been thinking over the past few days long and hard. My sleep pattern is bad and am suffering from even worse fatigue. I feel empty inside. this is not about a girl empty. it feels like my life is empty. when I had a spiritual connection with.... I don't know what it was, maybe is was god, a higher power, but all I know was I feel full. Like my body was filled with this divine power that made me feel like I could go on everyday, and not question every little thing I did, because I knew it was a rightous path. I've spend minutes @ a time pacing in my kitchen. I think I want to quit school for now and sign up for the Christain Apalacha Projoect. They do missions in Eastern kentucky, I've worked with them before. They said you can sign up and volunteer for 3 months @ at a time. I believe it might just be what I need right now. to clear my head, soul search, whatever you want to call it, but living how I'm living right now isn't helping......I wish I could fair better with all this but this just seems like a ladder out of the dead end life. |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 23rd, 2005|11:13 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  confused | ] |
| [ | music |
| | sonic youth - dripping dream | ] |
I'm fucking up my life again. fuck. things were going well too. All Iwanted was to have ajob on the weeknds and go toschool during the week. But things never seem to work out. School has slipped out of my pattern, as in I never go cus I was so tired from work, now I TOld my boss about it and he said he'd try to give me only weekends. But now it looks like I'm gonna have to drop like 2 of my classes. Fuck. maybe Ishould just work full time. I'm good at it. there wouldn't be all this stress. But school pays for my medical shit and I'm between a rock and a hard place right now. I need money, but I also don't want to be in this town the rest of my life. I'm 20. Aren't I suppose to be somewhere near the point where I have my act together and know what the hell I'm doing. I got my car fixed. That brought me a little relief. But instead of studying like I should, I've ridden up to L-ville the past 2 nights. Hung out with an old friend. But nothing fufills my life right now. I'm starting to wonder who I am. I mean. I'm trying so hard to get over these adolescent fears, but I don't want to be a failure in life. I want......self-salvation. |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 5th, 2005|02:05 am] |
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my eyes hurt. i hate when you taste a tear. I feel disconnected. the phone call. sara. emptyness. love. loss. never had to begin with. paranoyia. does being dead feel the same as feeling dead on the inside. |
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